The Secret Language of Power: Why Your Boss’s Pet Names Might Be a Red Flag

In the maze of modern offices and Zoom calls, something as innocuous as “Hey Sunshine!” from your boss might be more loaded than your Monday morning coffee. While Jarvis from Accounting happily embraces his moniker “Numbers Ninja,” Safiya from Marketing silently cringes every time the CEO calls her “Sparkles” in the weekly all-hands.

Welcome to the complex world of workplace nicknames, where what seems like harmless wordplay can actually be a subtle dance of power, culture, and psychological safety.

The Corner Office Nickname Paradox

Here’s a curious finding that might make you rethink your next “Boss Lady” quip: Research shows that employees who nickname their bosses often feel more psychologically safe and empowered at work. Yet when bosses nickname their employees, the exact opposite happens. Think about that for a second.

Remember that time your CEO insisted everyone call him “Big Dog”? Turns out his cringe-worthy attempt at seeming approachable might have actually worked. When leaders allow or encourage appropriate nicknames, it can break down hierarchical barriers and create a more inclusive environment. The key word here? Allow. Not force, not create, not mandate — allow.

The Dark Side of “Terms of Endearment”

But here’s where things get thorny. When managers start doling out nicknames like candy at Halloween, they’re often unwittingly wielding their power in ways that can backfire spectacularly:

• The Invisible Hierarchy: When your boss calls you “Junior” or “Kiddo” (even if you’re 45), they’re subtly reinforcing their authority. It’s like being patted on the head in front of your peers — professionally demeaning.
• The Cultural Minefield: That moment when a Western manager decides “Zhang” is too hard and goes with “John” instead? That’s not just uncomfortable — it’s erasure of identity.
• The Gender Trap: Notice how female employees more often end up with nicknames like “Sweetie” or “Dear,” while male employees get “Chief” or “Boss”? This unconscious bias reinforces workplace gender dynamics we’ve been trying to dismantle for decades.

The “Cool Boss” Conundrum

“But we have a casual culture!” I hear you protest. “My team loves their nicknames!” Maybe. But consider this: In highly hierarchical organizations, even well-intentioned nicknames from bosses can reduce employee confidence and perceived professional status. The more formal your workplace, the more damaging unofficial names become.

Take the tech startup where the CEO calls everyone by their gaming handles versus the law firm where a partner refers to an associate as “Rookie.” Same practice, wildly different implications.

Real-World Ripple Effects

The impact goes beyond hurt feelings:

1. Performance Reviews: Try writing “Skippy has shown tremendous growth this quarter” in an official evaluation.
2. Client Interactions: Explaining why everyone calls your senior analyst “T-Rex” in a client meeting is… awkward.
3. Career Mobility: That cute nickname might not translate well when you’re up for promotion or trying to switch departments.
4. Legal Implications: Workplace nicknames have actually featured in harassment lawsuits. Not so cute anymore, huh?

The Way Forward

So how do we navigate this linguistic labyrinth?

For Leaders:

• Default to formal names unless explicitly invited otherwise
• Document preferred names during onboarding
• Create clear policies around naming conventions
• Address nickname-related concerns immediately
• Remember: Your “funny” nickname might be someone else’s daily source of anxiety

For Employees:

• Feel empowered to express naming preferences
• Consider industry norms when accepting nicknames
• Be mindful of using nicknames in group settings
• Document problematic nickname usage if it persists

For Organizations:

• Include naming preferences in DEI initiatives
• Provide clear guidelines in employee handbooks
• Create safe channels for reporting nickname-related issues
• Regular pulse checks on workplace culture, including naming practices

In the end, workplace nicknames are like office politics in miniature — complex, nuanced, and deeply tied to power dynamics. While some can foster camaraderie and break down barriers, others can create invisible walls and reinforce unhealthy hierarchies.

So the next time you’re tempted to give your new hire a nickname, pause and ask yourself: Is this really fostering connection, or am I just flexing my power? The answer might surprise you.

Remember: Names aren’t just what we call each other — they’re how we see each other. Choose wisely.